“And So It Goes”
The other day I watched the movie “And So It Goes” with Michael Douglas and Diane Keaton. There is a scene in the movie when a tenant needs something from the grumpy property owner:
Tenant: “My wife is about to give birth soon and yesterday we had to park a block away because you refused to move your car just a few feet. Please share the driveway.”
Property Owner: “Or what?”
Tenant: “Or nothing. I’m asking as a favor.”
The tenant allowed a moment of silence and walked away.
You could tell that the property owner was stunned that the tenant didn’t offer an “or what.” The property owner did move his car.
The tenant was able to get what he needed without entering into a negotiation with the property owner or it escalating into a fight.
The key moment in this exchange occurred when the property owner said, “or what?” This is where the tenant had a choice. He could either threaten the property owner with a possible “or what” or he could remain calm and merely recite his request again. The tenant had the self-control to do the latter and, not only did the tenant get what he wanted but he also improved his relationship with the property owner.
Had the tenant not demonstrated restraint, the situation could have easily escalated and the property owner likely would have won. After all, he owns the property.
But the tenant didn’t take the bait. Rather, he appealed to the property owner’s humanity and asked for a “favor.”
This situation comes up more that we realize. For example, we want our neighbor to stop leaving his barking dog outside; we want our office-mate to speak quietly on her smart phone; or we want our spouse/significant other to stop leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor.
If you make a reasonable request of someone and they challenge you with an “or what,” don’t take the bait. Don’t allow a request for another person to act decently turn into a heated argument.
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