Raising kids with an ex definitely has its challenges, “my house, my rules”, is a big one.
Here are some of the most common frustrations I hear from divorced or separated Moms, and advice on avoiding unnecessary arguments.
- He feeds the kids junk food.
- There are no limits at his house on TV, video games or computers.
- He doesn’t make sure homework gets done.
- He cancels or is late.
Do these Moms bring up their concerns to their ex? Many don’t, and the reason they give for not speaking up – they can’t tell their ex-husband what to do on his parenting time. Who told them this? Their ex.
I am dismayed by how many women are buying into the “my time, my house, my rules” argument. I am saddened that so how many women think they can’t be a mother to their child on their ex’s parenting time.
Here are three things I’d like you to consider the next time your ex tells you to butt out during his parenting time:
Keep perspective. Let me put your mind at ease. Legally and morally – YOU are always the mother, regardless of a parenting schedule. Your ex says this to you to throw you off balance. He’s not fighting fair. Don’t fall for this trap. I can’t say it enough – You are the mother.
Be confident. Have the confidence that you are supposed to bring up legitimate concerns to your ex. You both have an interest in your child’s well-being.
Stick to the Issue. Expect your ex to respond with “my house, my rules” and just ignore it. Seriously, keep talking as if you didn’t hear what he said. Focus instead on clearly articulating your legitimate concerns about your child. Be as firm as needed on the issue, while staying calm and respectful toward your ex.
It’s difficult to bring up issues that your ex prefers to leave untouched, especially issues that may trigger an emotional outburst. These are intimidating conversations to have with your ex, but they’re worth it.
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