How to Ask Friends and Family for Advice

The number one rule when venting to friends and family, or asking for advice about our problems is this: don’t ever ask the other person what you should do.

Napoleon Hill once said, “The number one reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbors.”

Let’s face it, we’re going to continue to turn to our friends and family in times of need.

Never delegate your life decisions to other people. But there are productive ways to ask friends or family members for advice.

Here is a strategy you can use right away:

Tell your friends and family how they can help you. Before you tell them the problem, let them know exactly how they can help you.

For example, are you looking for them to give you courage in a situation where you need to do the hard but “right” thing? Tell them upfront that you know what you must do and you need their encouragement.

Do you want them to listen only and not offer you advice? If so, you need to tell them that upfront. Tell them, “I have a problem and I just want to say it aloud so I can figure out how I feel about it and what I want to do.” Sometimes we need to say how we feel out loud to see if we really feel that way.

If you want them to help you come up with options to a crisis you are facing, then invite them to brainstorm with you. You can start the conversation this way: “Mary, you are creative person and I have a problem. I’d like to tell you about it and then I’d like you to help me come up with 3 possible options I can use to try to solve it.” Notice I called Mary a creative person. You don’t want to brainstorm with someone who always thinks there is one right answer. Here’s the thing – there’s no such thing as a universally accepted right answer.

Again, the key is to tell them how they can help you before you tell them what the problem is. And don’t ask people what you should do. They don’t have to live with the consequences.